'People are openly heckling her': Tacky SIL announces her tasteless new gifting rule, gets roasted on Facebook by her own friends and family

Author image for Remy Millisky
Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Mar 18, 2023 3:00 PM EDT

Not everyone believes in that old saying, "It's the thought that counts." 

U/Salt_Mood_7908 wrote to the r/etiquette sub with a burning question on her mind. She's suddenly found herself in an awkward situation with her SIL. This SIL asked for only "vanilla cards" as presents. While this is a term I've never heard before, it apparently refers to prepaid debit cards. And this SIL wants only those, so that she won't be "loaded down with stuff she won't use." 

Now, if you want to have a preference in what you request from your family, that's one thing. But the SIL took this a step further! She made a social media post about her gifting idea. And then she tagged a whopping 23 people in the post, letting everyone know just what to gift her. It's awkward at best, and super tacky at worst. 

This is unhinged behavior, and she seemingly just could not stop herself. Check out the amazing way this woman's family roasted the SIL for her behavior. Then, this entailed customer has no idea why she's not allowed in the "Employees Only" back room of her favorite thrift store, and she's ready to take her complaints to corporate. 

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  • 01
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    via Edgar Soto
  • 02
    Font - r/r/etiquette Posted by u/Salt_Mood_7908 Sister-in-law this morning on Facebook announced that they are only accepting gift cards in the future.......
    via u/Salt_Mood_7908
  • 03
    Font - EDITED TO SAY: I just went back to that Facebook post for the first time in a few hours and people are openly heckling her and it's freaking hilarious. I'm already feeling better about it!!! lol.
    via u/Salt_Mood_7908
  • 04
    Font - And that the best ones are what's apparently called "vanilla cards," I guess, which is like a loaded debit card, essentially cash. I get it, she's a very particular person with great taste and does not want to be loaded down with stuff she won't use. But I find it obnoxious. I received a gift basket of skin care products that I can't use this Christmas and I sincerely thanked the person (not from SIL). I'm going to pass it along to my church's food pantry, which also distributes toiletrie
    via u/Salt_Mood_7908
  • 05
    Font - So, here's my question: I normally spend $150 about two weeks before Christmas and give her and my brother a Christmas floral arrangement. I've received very positive feedback on this from them over the years. Just to clarify, they are wealthy and don't need anything. But I was one of 23 people tagged in this post, which frankly was embarrassing.
    via u/Salt_Mood_7908
  • 06
    Font - Should I ask and clarify that the table center pieces are no longer welcome? I take great care with my gift giving, putting a lot of thought and consideration into them. I don't like just throwing money at things, via gift cards. It kind of hurts my feelings but I want to handle this with maturity and tact. What do you think?
    via u/Salt_Mood_7908
  • 07
    Font - [deleted] I am reminded of a friend who loudly announced to everyone she knew that she planned to finance her honeymoon with money that she receives at the wedding. At the reception, she put up a money tree (a silver branch of wood with Clips on it where guests can put cash.) No one touched the money tree during the entire reception. It stood there mocking her greed!
    via u/deleted
  • 08
    Font - she_makes_a_mess Just make donations in their name to a charity. They don't need anything obviously and the Christmas spirit is lost on her
    via u/she_makes_a_mess
  • 09
    Human body - Salt Mood_7908 OP OH, what a great idea! Thank you.
    via u/Salt _Mood _7908
  • 10
    Font - yeahbuddybeer. Some here say you should keep sending your floral arrangements. I would likely agree (should you want to and be able to afford to do so in the future) EXCEPT for the fact she intended you to see it by actively tagging you specifically in her post. I would send nothing in the future but a card wishing them a healthy and happy holiday season. I cannot believe the entitlement here, these are full grown adults right? I am baffled and appalled.
    via u/yeahbuddybeer
  • 11
    Font - If they give you a gift graciously accept and leave it at that. If she brings it up tell her you buy gifts for adults not pay them money and since she clearly let you know she does not want nor appreciate your gifts you will not burden her with them anymore. Christmas is not transactional. We don't just each show up and pass at 50 dollar bill to the person at our right and call it a day.
    via u/yeahbuddybeer
  • 12
    Font - squarepeg0000 OP please share some of the comments she's getting to her post on Facebook.
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    The OP replied with the hilarious things her family is posting!

    Font - Salt Mood_7908 OP "That's a funny way of saying thank you!" "Now that's the spirit of Christmas!" "What if we buy you a third vacation home instead?" From my kid, "Thanks for the chocolate-covered pretzels, Aunt ***." - proud of their dry humor there, implying she's cheap and greedy. I'm refraining from commenting but am thoroughly enjoying the feedback. And from her mom, "Why? You don't give gift cards." LOL!
    via u/Salt_Mood_7908
  • 14
    Font - [deleted] I wouldn't give them any gifts in the future. They clearly don't want anything, and don't appreciate a thoughtful gift.
    via u/[deleted]
  • 15
    Font - lapaix I would stop sending the floral arrangements, it seems they are unneeded at best. Please donate the entire amount to charity, including the amount you would have spent on a gift. A Christmas charity that is local and has a social media account with lots of pictures and stories of families that have been helped would be fantastic. I would put the receipt in a beautiful card and tell her how much her donation means to the kids who otherwise would have nothing on Christmas. Be sincere
    via u/lapaix
  • 16
    Font - mtnmcb Lol you said she has great taste but her behavior is in horrible taste.
    via u/mtnmcb
  • 17
    Font - infinitejezebel This is one of those weird threads where I think absolutely every commenter has a point - charity gifts are good (but yes typically they should be discussed); she CLEARLY doesn't need anything and this is entitled AS FK of your SIL and I would be seriously hurt and not want to ever get her something; Christmas is not supposed to be transactional and trading cards with $50 tucked inside of each seems like a waste of time, and so forth. Here, for what it's worth, is my sugge
    via u/infinitejezebel
  • 18
    Font - If it were my family I would post right on her facebook: "YOU ARE RIGHT! This whole giftgiving thing is out of hand. What if, instead of your hilarious and obviously joking statement that we should just hand each other bags of money, we went the OPPOSITE direction and did this: Do a Secret Santa where we draw two names.
    via u/infinitejezebel
  • 19
    Font - For the first name, we choose a needy child to sponsor from Angel Tree or our church, take pictures of the gifts we buy for them, and share those with our giftee. We could even make it a competition and do a little gift certificate for coffee or something to the Most Generous or Most Creative Angel Santa. For the second name we draw, we do a simple, sweet, and highly personalized gift with a small $ limit, like $25. Because you are RIGHT. Christmas can get out of hand and it can all feel
    via u/infinitejezebel
  • 20
    Font - And tag every one of the people she did. But that's just what I would do. Might not work for your family, idk.
    via u/infinitejezebel
  • 21
    Font - pancakesmmmm Where they really went wrong was posting on facebook (and tagging people to boot). They should have communicated with you on this delicate matter directly. Abnormal gift preferences aside, broadcasting this to the world was the real faux pas here. My only advice is to not reply to the facebook post, but rather talk to them in person (facetime, phone, etc.).
    via u/pancakesmmmm
  • 22
    Font - HolidaySilver Dictating a gift that others are getting for you is tacky across the board.
    via u/HolidaySilver
  • 23
    Font - McSuzy While I agree that it is even tackier to make this demand on facebook, I am glad that the sister in law exposed herself publicly. I think it is very important to recognize that it is absolutely horrible manners to request gift cards in lieu of gifts whether you do it privately or publicly. It is never anything but rude, demanding, and very crass. There's no mode of delivering this message that makes it acceptable.
    via u/McSuzy
  • 24
    Font - tomyownrhythm The public post is the rotten cherry on a crummy sundae. It is both inappropriate to demand a certain gift, and to publicly call out someone's gifts as bad (which is the impression given by the tagging). If it were me, SIL would be off the Christmas list. I might even send something small to the Brother to drive the point home. If questioned: "I wasn't planning to buy gift cards, and you said you wouldn't accept other gifts."
    via u/tomyownrhythm

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